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Soooo….I finally got my diagnosis. I have to say it wasn’t surprising, but I didn’t feel as relieved as I thought I would feel. To be honest that night I threw a little pity party (party of 1) for a bit. The diagnosis? Fibromyalgia. I have bursitis in both of my hips, shoulders and in my left knee. She mentioned something about rheumatoid swelling also.
The reason for the pity party is basically 1. It’s for life 2. It’s a disease that a lot of doctors and people don’t believe in and think it’s fake. 3. You don’t look sick so basically people think you are always having a good day because you are not writhing on the floor in pain.
I have to tell you, the pain is indescribable. So is the fatigue. And no, it’s not a “I didn’t sleep last night I am so exhausted” kinda of tired. It’s feels like you are under water. The pain? Constant throbbing in every part of your body. On bad days it feels like my whole body has been badly sunburned.
I started on steroids this week and it was really hard on my body, but my hands are working better.
I am just hoping that someday in the future I can wake up not in pain. That a sunny day will be a good thing. That I will actually be able to go outside and enjoy it. It’s a really good thing that I work most of the time outside three days a week. It keeps me moving, but there are some days I have no idea how I got through it. I am a mom though, I can get through anything.
My Goals over the next few months:
- To be able to use weekends as they are intended- to spend time with my family and have fun. Not use weekends to recover from doing too much the week before and to rest so I can get through the next week.
- To stick to my new mantra.
- Actually express when I don’t feel good and not worry that I sound like a whiner or allow others to make me feel like one.
- Not allow myself to do more than I know my body can handle.
- Eliminate any unnecessary stresses in my life. This includes people who don’t care if they cause stress in my life.
- Try to catch up on work and posts, but not at the detriment of my health.
- Have fun. 🙂